Bereavement

How do you cope with loosing a loved one?

People experience the pain of grief with a variety of emotional responses which include:

• People experience the pain of grief with a variety of emotional responses
• Shock
• Guilt
• Denial
• Exhaustion
• Anger
• Depression
• Fear
• Confusion
• Bargaining

All of these emotions are a normal part of the grief and mourning process. It is important when working with anyone who is grieving to do the following:

Acknowledge the family’s grief

Label their experience as one of grief. Let them know they have a right to have their feelings.

Be there

One’s presence can be the greatest gift given to a grieving individual. Sometimes holding someone’s hand, offering a hug, or just acknowledging how hard things must be, can be enough to support them though the grief process.

Offer permission to grieve

Teach grieving families that it is important to express the emotions of grief, but that there are ways to express pain that are more healing than others.

For example, an angry parent can learn to express their anger through physical activity such as yard work, writing letters, or screaming in a pillow. The key is to help grieving people find constructive ways to release their feelings of grief.

Listen

Grieving people need to share their pain with other people who will not judge or give advice. Listening to someone tell their story over and over can often be an invaluable gift and helps them sort through their feelings, releasing their pain. Support groups give families a chance to share their pain with others experiencing loss.

Children have feelings too

Encourage children to participate in all of the above suggestions. Children love, therefore they grieve.

By teaching children how to deal with the pain of loss early in life, we can teach them how to grieve the losses that are an inevitable part of their future lives, losses such as moving, divorce, the break-up of a relationship, or the death of a friend, loved one, or pet. Children can draw pictures or write letters to an ill sibling as a way to express their love and concern.

Talk about the deceased

Discuss anything you know about them, such as what they said or did. It helps the grieving persons to keep them closer.

Call often & send cards

Call often, especially after the first couple months. Peoples energy levels may be too low for them to make the effort, even though they may need to talk. Send cards even weeks after the funeral. They are always helpful, and there is a disappointment when they finally stop coming.

Don’t look startled

When the bereaved mentions the deceased. Let him or her talk about the deceased loved one as much as they like. Don’t talk about what the deceased might have been spared by death. Those thoughts bring no comfort. If they have children, invite them to spend time with your children. For example, if the children have lost their father, it would be wonderful if another man would spend some time with them. He could include them occasionally when he does something with his own kids.